Archive for February, 2014

Feb 6 – Grow from Conflict

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Cheetah Certified Project Manager (CCPM) Tip of the Day

With the right skills, you can grow from conflict

With the right skills, you can grow from conflict

February 6 – Don’t shy away from conflict. Instead, use it as an opportunity to learn more about why you are reacting the way you are. Others are simply holding up a mirror to whatever in ourselves we need to better understand and accept.

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Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP

Conflict is the big bogey man in many people’s lives. At least it was for me for a long time. I grew up in a large family with three older (and much bigger) brothers. As a matter of survival, I avoided conflict with these guys. I learned over the years, though, that this is NOT the best way to deal with conflict. Like the bogey man, confronting conflict is far worse in your mind than it is in reality.

My learning adventure in how to best deal with conflict started in the mid-90’s with a relatively peaceful divorce. We were both committed to handling the dissolution of a contract that was no longer serving us with respect and on our own (no attorneys – a DIY divorce). But I did dread those in-person meetings to deal with the paperwork. To help me cope with the anxiety of those meetings, I read the book “Magic of Conflict” by Thomas Crum. He uses the principles of Aikido as the metaphor throughout his book. The main principle is that, just like Aikido, you counter force with love. I do credit that book with helping me gracefully move through a very trying process.

Over the years I’ve become somewhat of a pro with handling conflict and am often called in to facilitate meetings between many fractured parties. I used a combination of techniques in my approach to teaching people how to interact in a way they can grow from their differences. I call my technique “Conversational Aikido.” While I learned of the Aikido principle in the Magic of Conflict book, my conversational Aikido approach teaches techniques in somatic psychology to help you regulate your physiologic responses to anticipated conflict. That way, you can enter into a dialog coming from your highest self. I also included terminology you can learn how to use from the body of work called “non-violent communication.” You learn how master the techniques of Conversational Aikido in the Cheetah Certified Project Manager program.

Conflict can be a tremendous source of learning and growth, WHEN you have to tools to handle it for that purpose. If you want to choose a better way to deal with conflict than hiding under the covers from the bogey man, consider becoming a Cheetah Certified Project Manager.

Feb 5 – Find the Positive Intent

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
When you look for the positive intent in another's behavior, you find your own inner peace.

When you look for the positive intent in another's behavior, you find your own inner peace.

Cheetah Certified Project Manager (CCPM) Tip of the Day

February 5 – We judge ourselves by our intentions but judge others by their behavior. Challenge yourself to find the positive intent in others’ behavior.

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Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP

How often do you show up in life in any way other than in an honorable manner? And if you perchance are acting less than the best version of yourself, don’t you always have a very valid reason for why this is so? The question then is: what happens with this belief that other people could somehow be behaving under a different set of operating conditions?

We teach this concept in Cheetah’s project management programs. When I get the chance to speak to large groups of project managers, I always ask this question: “How many of you show up to work and say – ‘Today I’m going to be a real screw-up?'” I’ve yet to get anyone to ever raise their hand. Then I ask, “How many of you know people who are real screw-ups?” Pretty much everyone raises their hand.

How can it be, in groups of several hundred people, that not one person will admit to ever intending to being a screw-off, yet people believe others are screw-ups? It gets to their intention and our perception. So, the issue is NOT that the other person is a screw-up. The issue is our perception of the other person’s behavior.

I was at an event the other night with a friend. She wanted to leave early because she was uncomfortable with this guy’s behavior. She perceived that he had some ill intent toward her. While I thought the guy was acting a bit odd, I didn’t perceive him to have ill intent. I thought he might have some type of medical condition. I was able to enjoy the event because I didn’t have the same perceptual dissonance between his behavior and his intent. My friend was not, and she left early.

So, the point is: when you align you perceptions of another person’s behavior with the reality that most, if not all, people have positive intent, you have a much wider window of tolerance for the normal variations in human behavior. When you can increase your window of tolerance for someone else’s behavior, you can increase your range of possible responses to them. The next time you perceive someone else’s behavior as negative, stop and ask yourself: “How can I respond to them in a way that honors that they are acting with their own positive intent?”

Share your experiences with finding the positive intent in other’s behavior on the Cheetah Learning Facebook Page: http://tinyurl.com/n96fzu7

Feb 4 – Who Takes Care of YOU?

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
How do you recharge your batteries and take care of YOU?

How do you recharge your batteries and take care of YOU?

Cheetah Certified Project Manager (CCPM) Tip of the Day

February 4 – The most important relationship is the one with yourself. Take time everyday for you – read, practice yoga, meditate, exercise. When you take care of yourself, you are then available to better interact with others.

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Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP

Think about your electronic devices you use every day – like your smart phone. For it to work, you need to recharge it every day. And sometimes more than once a day. Your body, mind, and spirit are the same way. There are many ways to recharge: exercise, meditation, yoga. One way to create a new recharge habit is to start out slow and add one minute per day. So let’s say you want to start a practice of meditating when you wake up and when you finish work. If you start with just a commitment to try to quiet your mind and pay attention to just your breathing for one minute twice today, you can then commit to doing it for two minutes tomorrow, three the next day, etc. Within three weeks, you would be quieting your mind for 20 minutes twice a day.

What do you to recharge your batteries? Let us know in the comment section of the Cheetah Learning Facebook page: http://tinyurl.com/o5lhrkq

Feb 3 – Got Conflict?

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

Cheetah Certified Project Manager (CCPM) Tip of the Day

It only takes one person changing to change a destructive dynamic

It only takes one person changing to change a destructive dynamic

February 3 – The source of conflict is caused by differing expectations. Determine your expectations first. Then discover areas for possible alignment with others.

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Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP

Emotional maturity is based on the characteristics you bring to every encounter in your life. When you show up in a fault-finding mode with blaming, criticizing, whining, arguing, or you leave in a huff with a whatever, get lost, I’m done attitude – this actually hurts the development of a healthy neurological response for future encounters. Being crazy makes you crazier. The “let it all hang out” construct leaves you all strung-out. When you can commit to emotional maturity in every relationship in your life, you develop the neural network patterning for deeper, more trusting relationships and connections. Think about the type of people you would prefer to hang out with – those that are quick to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, or the steady eddy’s of the world who take anything that comes their way with grace and ease. Who would you rather be?

When you take the time to understand how your expectations color your responses, you get to make a conscious choice about how you would prefer to respond. This is a place of power rather than being a slave to your conditioned responses. When you find yourself getting sucked into a response pattern you feel no longer allows your most mature self to show up, stop. Take ten deep breaths. Give yourself time to pause and absorb just why you are reacting the way you are. Go for a walk, get moving, and shake things up. You’ll find yourself getting more detached from the heat of the moment. Then, make a more reasoned choice on the long-term outcome you’d prefer to have and figure out a response that brings you closer to creating that.

Think about this – if you do consider the counterpart you are dealing with “insane” – you cannot change an insane person. Even thinking you can change an insane person is insane. So, be the sane person and change your response. You might just be amazed what will happen. I learned this with an ongoing, heated email exchange with a close friend. Neither of us was going to back down. It wasn’t until one of us took a sane position and stopped did this crazy response pattern stop. It just takes one sane person to change the dynamic. Commit to being sane and mature. Watch everything in your life align in a healthier flow.

Feb 2 – Embrace Your Shadow Side

Monday, February 3rd, 2014
Your Shadow Has Gifts For You - Can You Find Them?

Your Shadow Has Gifts For You - Can You Find Them?

Cheetah Certified Project Manager (CCPM) Tip of the Day

February 2 – Until you take responsibility for every experience of your life, you keep creating the same dynamics. Practice unconditional acceptance of all parts of you – even your shadow side – to create amazing results in your life.

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Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP

My favorite movie is Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. He gets stuck in a time warp repeating the same day over and over and over in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania as a weatherman covering Ground Hog’s day. That is until he accepts his life just the way it is. I share my birthday with Punxsutawney Phil (that special weather-predicting groundhog). This somewhat ugly large rodent has a well established holiday. If Groundhog Phil sees his shadow (meaning it’s sunny out), he gets scared and runs back into his hole. The means we will experience six more weeks of winter. Yet he’s only right 39% of the time.

How about you – does seeing your shadow side send you running for cover, anticipating a continued onslaught of coldness in your life? We all have our strengths and our challenges. And many times, our strengths lead to our challenges and vice versa. If Phil’s only right 39% of the time with interpreting what his shadow means, maybe the same is true for the rest of us. Learn how to face those things in life that might make you want to run back in your hole as, instead, gifts to bring out the best in you. www.cheetahcertified.com