Michelle LaBrosse Blogs

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Some things just naturally go together – you just can’t have one without the other.

The right pairing can amplify each part beyond what it is on its own – whether it be a great food combo like pork chops and applesauce, or a smooth Cabernet with a rich dark chocolate or that special someone who sparks you like no other.

What I am discovering about myself on this challenge to love myself more is how I am amplified and enhanced by the special people I am paired with in my life – where I am called to show up in ways that expand my capacities to love – both them, our work together and myself.  I have realized that while I can and do associate with others in groups,  it is the one on one interactions – these pairings, that bring out the unique characteristics of me.

The flavor of who I am changes based on how I am engaging with others in the moment (who they are and how they are showing up plays a role too).  As a yoga teacher, I’ve found my expanded flexibility exhibited way beyond the yoga mat.  I’ve noticed with this loving myself more habit I am showing up more vibrantly with an enhanced capacity to flex into a space that significantly improves my experience of the pairing.  I’m not sure if others are having the same enriched experience of me as well…..

Kate’s comment: this chameleon nature is a smart adaptive mechanism – I think that others appreciate having the communication experience tailored to them. For example – why would you speak yoga jargon to engineering colleagues, or vice versa? Why would a kindergarten teacher come home and talk to their spouse the same way they spoke to their students? Different forms of communication are needed for different audiences, to have perfect pairings.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Focusing on what I can do opened up a whole new world.

I remembered today how much happier I am when I focus on what I can do rather than what I can’t do. Over the past six months, I’ve tried out a variety of  different ways to resolve a persistent heel pain challenge.  One theory was I had a nerve problem in my piriformis (this is a muscle deep in your bum).   So I went to see a sports medicine acupuncturist.  It was only AFTER, a friend said yeah with those folks, if you aren’t crying when you leave, they don’t feel like they have done their job. I not only still had my heel pain when I left there, but I also now had a major pain in my bum.  The only benefit of this guy, he suggested to recover from his treatment, I go swimming.

So I found the closest pool to where I lived and joined it.  Since I am paying to go, I go.  Once there, I found out it was a medically licensed wellness facility and working out with their personal trainers is like doing physical therapy.  So I decided to try that too. Now I’m like a regular gym rat.  And I noticed outside the gym all these bike trails. Shortly after I joined, the city opened this very cool pedestrian, biking, metro bridge that cuts the time for me to get to the gym in half, IF I ride my bike.  Being the efficiency nut I am, well of course, now I ride the bike.  I got a light for my bike so I can ride there or home in the dark.  I even ride there in the rain.  Besides becoming a gym rat, I’m now part of the whole biking scene and I feel like such a total bad ^%##.

Another benefit of the heel pain – I do my yoga practice on a much more regular basis as I do notice the heel pain is far less significant on the days I do yoga. So, all of this effort to deal with my heel pain has actually put me into the best shape I’ve been in in quite some time.  Besides the persistent heel pain, overall I feel great and am getting a toned and buff round body

So the next time, I find myself wallowing in a poor me state over this persistent heel pain issue, I’m going to reflect on all I’ve learned by focusing on what I could do and what I did do and what I do do.  I can love myself more by loving my pain too.

Kate’s comment: nice work taking an active role in your recovery! It can be empowering to see that recovery doesn’t have to be rest and relaxation – it can be working other muscle groups and focusing on other aspects of  your health to achieve balance. And you are a TOTAL bad ^%##, but we already knew that.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Easy to find my way to loving myself more while enjoying a fire with engaging company. We all need fuel (friendship) and air (space) to burn brightly.

Being engaged in meaningful pursuits is the breath of life for me.  Finding ways to more deeply enjoy the simple moments of life is one of the hallmarks of who I am – whether it be enjoying a lovely cup of tea, to refining how I prepare veggies learning different cuts, to the pleasure of making a fire to enjoy during an evening of engaging conversation with stimulating company.

And so it is now with this challenge to create a habit to love myself more.  The awakening happening from this pursuit is that instead of forcing this to become a habit, this level of self love is becoming habit forming.  At first it was a challenge to love myself more – the internal resistance was palpable and I found myself having to force it.  The fake it until you make it type of thing.  Now it is becoming as natural as breathing to be fully engaged in loving myself more on a moment by moment basis.

It shows up as I stop to relax into what is going on – whether I’ve created it or stepped into the scene.  I am realizing as I delve into the reflection of this new habit how loving myself more is the way life is meant to be – without needing to even like what is going on around me.  This feels like a bit of a strange thing to observe.  While I may at times wish things were different than they are, I’m good with loving them just the way they are.  This affords me to experience life in ways I may never have envisioned in the first place had things gone my way.  What is more important to me – is not whether I like my scene, but how I’m engaged in the scene.   Am I engaged and showing up in ways where I love myself more?

Years ago I noticed I was happiest when I was creating something in the kitchen.   I got to wondering – am I happy so I’m in the kitchen or does being in the kitchen bring me happiness?   I realized then, it doesn’t all matter that much what precedes what as the outcome is the same.  It’s the truth here as well – being fully engaged in the moment creates a feeling of loving myself.   So whether I’m fully engaged in anything emerging (regardless of my preconceived bias) brings me to loving myself more, or loving myself more brings me to being fully engaged in the moment whatever that moment is.  This is just like the kitchen and happiness.   Finding the way to be fulling engaged in whatever is going on will bring me to loving myself more as will loving myself more bring me to being fully engaged in whatever is.

Kate’s comment: sometimes, if I am wondering if I should regret something or not, I ask myself, “in this moment, am I happy?”. If I answer, “yes, I am happy”, then I have to be grateful for all events prior to this moment. Without them, I would not be in the place I am today. Were there moments prior to this event that I was unhappy? Of course, no life is without some tough times. But they brought me to where I am today, and I am happy. Nothing else before matters – all that I have to think about is moving forward.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Everything has a prime time where it’s unique beauty comes alive in its own magical way. Old piers, random numbers, everyone we meet….

Today I’m celebrating the wonderful number 23.   Since my dietitian was born on the 23rd as was my mother,  I’m celebrating both of them too.  There is significant lore relating to the number 23,  which I can neither refute nor validate.  However, in total weirdness, today is 10/13 – that adds up to 23.  Coincidence – hmmmm.  I did not know when I started this I would be on the 23rd day of this challenge on 10/13.  And yes I know there is a tendency to find meaning where none exists – even so there are some pretty interesting things about the prime number 23.  (Prime numbers are only divisible by themselves and 1).  I found some interesting mathematical facts about the number 23 (some pulled off Wikipedia):

• This is the only prime number made up of two consecutive prime numbers.
• It is also the first prime number made of the sum of three consecutive prime numbers – 5+7+11.
• The sum of the first 23 primes is 874, which is divisible by 23, a property shared by few other numbers.
• In a population of 23 people, there is a 50% chance two of them will have the same birthday.

There are a number of other interesting mathematical characteristics of 23, but they are beyond my engineering math capability.

And what they heck does this have to do with loving myself more?   Well, since I’ve now been loving myself more for three weeks, I’m feeling like I’m in my prime and special in my own unique ways, just like the number 23 – living out a magical existence.  My life is blessed beyond measure.  My children are healthy, both now graduated from college, and launching in their respective careers.  My businesses continue to provide valuable services and sustain a number of families who support them.  I have caring, engaging and stimulating friends. I love my work and how it brings meaning to my existence.  I am deeply consumed by a variety of passions that keep a fire in my belly for life. Loving me more brings all this into vivid focus and enhances my joie de vivre.  What a great new habit to create.

Kate’s comment: and I’m 23 years old! There’s an entire movie about the number 23 and the weird things around it – “The Number 23” starring Jim Carrey. Once you start looking for all of the crazy things about the number 23, they start appearing. Kind of like the “blue car effect” – you really start to notice something once you start looking for it. Weight Weight Just Love me is 23 days in and you’re finding all new ways to love yourself because you’re looking for them. The ways were there all along, just waiting for you to find them. Keep it going.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Learning how to love myself more means I’m no longer the “teet” to the world.

I’ve been contemplating my responsibility with other people’s attachments.  The easy answer is of course I’m not responsible for other people’s attachments.  But is this my current reality?  I find there are and have been a number of people who act like I’m not only responsible, but also accountable for their attachments in association with me.  For example, my doctor’s apparent disappointment and admonishing lectures in my lack of ability to lose weight.  The doctor has an attachment to a specific outcome with me based on their beliefs.  What is it about me where I feel I need to be responsible for (or at least placate) my doctor’s attachments to what I’m supposed to weigh – especially when I’m not there to see them about what I weigh?  I don’t recall that being on any of their forms – is this something new with HIPAA compliance?

My dietitian on the other hand has a different approach.  She explains we are working towards better health as measured by your blood pressure, cholesterol and glucose levels.  As healthy levels in all those means health – not what it says on the scale.  What I enjoy about working with her is the acceptance of who I am just the way I am and I define what is better for me.  Then she helps me pursue this in ways that will work for me.  She holds no attachment even to my own self defined  goals.  She is just there to help me discover ways of achieving the goals I set for myself.

While some folks inspire me to engage,  others motivate me to run far in the opposite direction (like the difference between my dietitian and my doctor).  I’m a compassionate and empathic person and at times I tend to feel the need to help people in whatever way they need.  (Pema Chodren calls this “idiot compassion.”)  From time to time I catch myself in this idiocy – feeling too responsible and even accountable for another person’s attachment  to me.  Once I recognize it,  I move into strategizing how to extricate myself from their suffocating need.  (Those closest to me call it “getting ‘so and so’ off the tit.”)

So this isn’t just about getting the guts to avoid doctors who have a fat bias.  In general I can be too accommodating to others’ awkward attachment needs in exchange for some type approval – love and acceptance fits in here too.  I have a feeling this is tied into unconscious programming from my Catholic upbringing, guilt, martyrdom, etc.  I find myself more attracted now though to the Pema Chodren mode of contemplation – so yes, Pema Chodren, idiot compassion.  And as I learned long ago, I can stop being stupid whenever I’d like.

On the other hand, I do know and have experienced that healthy and secure attachments form when I know where and how I can count on others and vice versa  I do form implied and/or explicit contracts with significant people in my life to engage with them as we have agreed.  These types of relationships also change over time as our respective needs evolve – the more allowances for these changes, the better things typically go.  The less allowances, the more awkward things usually become. Creating secure attachments and not owning others’ awkward and inappropriate attachments is my new mojo.  Loving myself more means I’m getting my boobs back.

P.S. Since this has posted, I’ve heard from several people inquiring if this was about them.  Well yes it is about you – as you form the basis of my secure attachments so THANK YOU.   And you also know what I’m talking about with my tendency to be the teet to the world – which is not a reflection of how I am in my secure attachments and healthy relationships.    Actually those getting in touch with me have been some of the folks bringing this to my attention over the years.

Kate’s comment: I wanted to reflect on your P.S. bit – about people asking if this post was about them. What made them want to reach out after reading your post? I think we can look to Burke’s theory of Dramatism, specifically to do with guilt. Burke stated that all human action, specifically communication, is driven by guilt. Burke’s definition of guilt is different than mine (I think guilt is a feeling resulting from an action I regret doing) – he says that guilt is any unpleasant feelings that humans experience.

So, I think your post made some people squirm in their seats. I think this is great – productive conflict promotes positive change and influence. Keep it going. Keep making people uncomfortable and driving that conversation.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Camas Davis started the Portland Meat Collective to help people get closer to their meats. In this class we learned how to enjoy older animals, and how to prepare all parts of it with great love.

Yesterday I went to another event by the Portland Meat Collective.  This one was an informative lecture and demonstration by Adam Danforth – a former NYC Advertising Professional turned Artisinal Butcher.  He has a couple books out on the humane slaughtering of livestock.  Dan’s main message was traditionally, farm animals served multiple purposes throughout their lives before they were consumed.  They were well loved and utilized,  integral members of the scene.  Older ruminants (animals that survive on grasses) who have consumed more of the natural grasses they need to sustain themselves throughout a productive life are actually better overall to sustain us.  The trend to factory farming and grain finishing young ruminants is hard on every part of the overall system – including we the consumer as it’s more difficult to digest and fully use this type of meat.

Conventional wisdom says eat more fish and less meat.  Supposedly fish is high in omega 3’s that are part of a “hearth healthy” diet.  Yet, as Adam pointed out, farm raised fish is lower in omega 3’s than meat that is only raised on grass (never grain fed).   So where are the truly “heart healthy” choices?  As part of loving myself thoughout the past decade, I have become more aware of the origins of my food and its impact on my health and happiness.  I raised my own beef cattle for a decade – exclusively grass fed.  Never got the high cholesterol issue that many in my genetic line up experienced.

So I got to thinking more about this proselytizing by “experts” that goes on about what we consume.  When I was younger, there was the FDA’s food pyramid with it’s  push to low fat, high carb that would supposedly keep you healthy (all that did was make me fatter).  Back then I had persistent digestive issues following that food pyramid and eating processed foods – mostly commercial wheat products.  I tried an experiment and switched to milling organic grains and making my own breads and pastas.   Belly ache’s gone.  And now at least half the time I go the extra distance and sprout the wheat berries, dry them and mill them as and added boost of nutrition and digestability.  This takes more planning than effort as it adds about three days onto the process to sprout the berries and dry them before milling, if I don’t already have a supply of sprouted wheat berries  stored in the freezer.  Current pop nutrition says stay away from grains of any type.   Well I’m opting for my dietitian’s approach here – everything in moderation and adding in my own – pay attention to the source.

I sometimes find myself apologizing to others regarding my diligence with sourcing foods I know will improve my overall quality of life.  I really don’t want to be on the other end of this being all hell fire and brimstone about any one specific dietary practice as we all get to choose how we want to move through the world.  I don’t want to be on the other end of that either with having to defend myself for my choices either.  So as part of loving myself more, I am owning just how discerning (not picky)  I am in a very stand up way (rather than apologizing for it).  Loving myself more does include the choices I’m making in the foods that sustain me. These are my choices that are right for me.  No more apologizing for being discerning and educated about sourcing the foods I eat.  It’s a topic near and dear to my belly.

Kate’s comment: WOW the classes you’re taking sound really interesting. A friend from Fairbanks invited me to go to a pig harvest last year, and I figured “if I can’t handle a pig harvest, I shouldn’t be eating bacon”. And I really appreciate a good piece of bacon – so I went. It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually really interesting to see the team of 10-15 people working as a well-oiled machine to process these 8 pigs that they had all bought into as a co-op at the beginning of the year. Side note to anyone getting queasy at this blog post – the Fairbanks friend was a vegetarian for years until her husband got a moose one fall and she had to butcher it. That turned her into an omnivore.

ALSO – I love how you called it “pop nutrition”. I am definitely going to start using that term.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Congrats to Jean and Evelyn. After taking my Happy Aging Yoga retreat last year, they both decided to become Registered Yoga Teachers. And now they are learning how to teach Happy Aging Yoga using our Happy Aging Yoga Mats.

I’m starting to realize just why it takes 66 days (or even longer) to create a new habit.  The initial idea is only a infinitesimal fraction of what it takes to implement it.   I’ve learned this lesson time and time and time again through the years with my entrepreneurial pursuits.   So, it really should come as no surprise to me the level of persistence required in undertaking anything new – like this new habit of learning how to love myself more.

Loving myself more also means putting more effortless energy into those projects I love as well.  I’ve been teaching yoga for the past 18 months and created a way to use my accelerated learning techniques to help beginners quickly learn and do yoga in a way that helps them age with more grace comfort and ease.  We call it Happy Aging Yoga.  I worked with a medical artist over the past year to create plump silhouettes doing the various yoga poses I teach in my classes for folks less inclined to do yoga.  And I worked with my graphic designer to lay out these silhouettes to demonstrate the various yoga flows students master in our yoga retreats.  Then I found a way to print these various yoga flows on a yoga mat and tested out using the yoga mats in a two day yoga retreat format.  Next, I  assembled a crew to help me make instructional videos for each yoga flow on the mat.

It’s been a long haul and at times I got rather discouraged as everything seemed to take a lot longer than I’d prefer.  Today though saw the culmination of all that effort because I got a renewed burst of energy for this project.  We now have all the elements for selling our Happy Aging Yoga program to the public and launched our online store  to do just that.  The next step is promoting our innovative program to learn yoga as a way to age better.  We have a big three month promotional campaign starting with Healthy Living Magazine in November.  Yet I know we have only just begun.  Learning how to love this more as part of loving myself more is giving me the energy to keep going – and wow, well that is just AMAZING.  Who knew this loving myself more would translate over to a super extra boost of enthusiasm for those other things I love in life as well.

Kate’s comment: I cannot tell you how excited I am that the Happy Aging Yoga mats are now officially for sale. I use mine for warm up and wind-down. The inclusions of breathing instructions help calm me down and bring me back to my center. I think these things are revolutionary for an individual’s yoga practice.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Plating is an elegant way to be more conscious of portion sizes and feel happy with less. One of the many things I’ve learned from my dietician.

My dietitian Kate posted an incredible blog yesterday about nutritionally healthy traits. One of them I realized – wow – I have never even thought much about the converse of this one:

5) Feeling safe and confident that they have enough food
This is also known as food security, and it can help prevent over-eating episodes. For example – have you ever had food FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)? Where you say “I’m not sure when I’ll get to have this again” or “someone in my household might eat all of this before I get a chance to have some” and then you eat it, whereas otherwise you may not have?

Instead, some nutrition-savvy people think “I know that I can have that later if I want it, now that I know exactly where and when to find it!”

I grew up in a large family with three older brothers, a younger brother and a younger sister. While I don’t remember ever going to bed hungry, I do remember quite a bit of competition about getting my fair share of whatever was there.  As Kate identifies this above, it’s a form of food hoarding.  It’s a primal drive to survive and part of survival is packing it on for an impending famine. It makes sense if you feel food is scarce, you’ll pack it in in the event you won’t have any later.

This line that Kate put about what nutrition savvy people think – “I know that I can have that later if I want it, now that I know exactly where and when to find it!”  – for me, I’d change that up a bit to be – Whatever I want and need shows up when I need it. And this includes not just food, but also friends, and opportunities.  Which has actually been more true than not time and time again.  Loving myself more means being so grateful the world I live in is consistently a very kind and abundant place, in all realms.

Kate’s comment: I like how you made the line your own. Your version also conveys “if I don’t have it right now, I don’t need it right now” – and that can help prevent people from making unnecessary trips to the store to get a tube of cookie dough (because they saw a commercial about freshly baked cookies and they need some RIGHT NOW).

Michelle Labrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

The planes that fly from Juneau to Haines are far more comfortable than commercial airlines, especially when the weather is nice.

I was talking with my dietitian Kate today about what would happen if the little air taxi’s that fly between Haines and Juneau started to charge by weight.  I was wondering how that would impact people’s desire to reduce their weight.  I know for me, when I first started going to Haines I was super embarrassed to tell the air taxi services my weight, so much so,  I would only take the ferry. Then I got over it and now I just write my weight on a piece of paper and slip it across the counter at the air taxi service. My friends who introduced me to Haines told me if I lied about my weight, they would put me on the scale. PLUS, I’m an aerospace engineer – I figured lying about my weight when going on a small plane was not the wisest decision.   (BTW – Kate my dietitian makes her nutrition counseling about improving health, NOT strictly reducing weight for reasons mentioned in other blog posts of this 66 day challenge to create a habit of loving myself more).

But I got to thinking, supposedly 2/3 of Americans are considered “overweight.”  This is a sizable market (ha ha no pun intended).  I googled how are the airlines accommodating our increasing size.  I found this great article that addresses tips on traveling when you are a larger person.  Is it only me, or does it seem like the seats have been getting narrower and closer together on planes?   Well according to this article, yes the seats are smaller and closer together. BUT there are several airlines where they actually care about their customer’s experience. For example, on Southwest Airlines, you can purchase an extra seat if you would like more room.  AND even if the flight is over booked, they will refund your money for the extra seat.  Now that is AMAZING.  You just have to call and ask for the refund.  Next time I fly Southwest, I’m going to give this a try.

It’s rather interesting how I’m just discovering this now.  And the reality is the reason I never looked into this before was because I was embarrassed by my size. I have a gazillion frequent flyer miles as air travel is a requirement of my work.  So, I’ve been able to get bumped up to first class on most flights, except on the flights that do not have first class.  The worst flights are on the smaller prop planes that have two small seats side by side and well before right now, flying on Southwest as they are most often booked to capacity so we are all squeezed in the packed flight like sardines.  The air taxi’s from Juneau to Haines are very comfortable in comparison – even if they can sometimes give quite the thrill in rough weather.

I’m going to start paying more attention to how various businesses are more accommodating to people of all sizes.  I have a feeling it’s becoming more common place.  And now since I’m learning how to love myself more, it is an element of service I will start to reward more for the businesses that are more accommodating to who I am just the way I am – rather than how I “should” or “could” be.

Kate’s comment: it is interesting to think about the services offered that aren’t advertised – plenty of businesses have these. However, wouldn’t it increase the companies’ fan base to make these better known? To let the world know that they are inclusive and don’t participate in fat shaming? It seems that Southwest Airlines gained a fan by being a good-guy company.

Michelle LaBrosse, CCPM, PMP, PMI-ACP, RYT

Organization creates the bridges to a better tomorrow.

I’m working with Joanna Cutler, a Feldenkris practitioner to develop new ways of moving in my body to remediate a persistent foot pain problem that has recurred on and off for the past 22 years. It’s been more on than off the past six months so I figured I’d give this a shot. It’s been a very interesting process as we are creating new neural networks in my brain of how my entire skeletal system organizes it self so I can move in ways that remove the pain.  What is most fascinating about this process is the less I pay attention to how I’m walking, the less foot pain I have. According to Joanna,  when I think about the foot pain, I’m reinforcing the old ways my skeletal system is organized.

From what I’ve studied about weight issues, it’s rather similar. The more someone thinks about being over weight, the harder it is to lose weight. My dietitian, Kate, is right on by not focusing on weight and instead focusing on adopting more consistently healthy food choices so my body is healthy.  As I’m learning in Feldenkris, It’s all about how my mind is organizing every element of my body. To organize my brain to create an even more robustly healthy existence, I need to just allow my brain to make that my only reality. This article on what traditional medical “lore” says is overweight has conditioned us to think about weight (and organize our brain) in ways that actually amplify the problem. Too many people are negatively impacted by negative perceptions of themselves that are just not serving them.

And this is the overall point of this 66 day challenge – to move way beyond my negative conditioning about my natural state from family, well meaning friends, strangers, and “healthcare professionals” (I’m starting to discover many working in traditional healthcare are not professional and gain more by creating sickness than health).  So better brain organization on what is truly my reality – that I am robustly healthy – helps me love myself even more.  It is starting to take hold as I organize my thoughts to only focus on being the most loving I can be to myself in every moment.

Kate’s comment: what an interesting parallel between Feldenkris thought process and my dietitian practice – it follows the trend of “the mind tracks the dominant thought”. This is why instead of saying “I can’t forget my lunch in the morning” is far more likely to result in forgetting your lunch than saying “I must remember my lunch in the morning”.